i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
