I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
