i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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