when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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