im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i've created a new STD.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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