but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I touched a dick in church today
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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