R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
