God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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