goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize