I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
