I'm laying in your front yard are you home
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
