FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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