I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
