Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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