I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
