i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
