If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
