Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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