or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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