this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
