I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
