Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
