why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
