have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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