I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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