I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
