You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
