You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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