Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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