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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.

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• (253): View more from Washington

  Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  hey. who tried to drive me home last night?

  (904): View more from Florida

  not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?

  (850): View more from Florida

  i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.

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• 

  Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?

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• (805): View more from California

  Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  You're such a slut.

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I prefer opportunist.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  the room spins SO much faster in panama

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?

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• (850): View more from Florida

  He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.

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