Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck