Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
