Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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