I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Randomize
