About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
