in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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