So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Dicks are not precious.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
