Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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