What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
