I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
