peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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