You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
