Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
