2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
it hurts more in the daytime
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
