I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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