Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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