thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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