Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
