shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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