Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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