and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
