It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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