VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
