Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
