I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My balls are so social today.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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