I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
