Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize