Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
now i know why i became what i already was.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
