Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
