shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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