i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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