i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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