I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
