Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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