Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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