sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you didnt know i had herpes?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
