You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
