Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She's the barista slut.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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