it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
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I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
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So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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